my uncle just took a turn for the worse. my mom is talking about how they don't want to tell the kids about his passing if it happens today.

i dont know why i never really thought it would come to this. i guess i was banking on some divine providence someone told me existed. i guess somehow i still believed that some greater force wouldnt let him go so young, leaving behind his highschool sweetheart, his nine year old daughter, and three year old son.

he did everything right. he played by all the rules. one of the most honest, respectable, strong, sincere, loving men i'll ever know. he used to let me feed his fish in the basement of their first apartment. and he was so good at some zombie game on nintendo. i always used to make him beat it for me. and he knew all the cheat codes to get more lives on mario. he told me the same story about seeing a beheading in saudi arabia nearly every christmas with the same genuine message of how important it is to have a global perspective on life. he referred to his type of music as college rock, and i always thought that was a little dorky, but endearing. the last time i remember seeing him was while i was running, i turned the corner by his house and he was washing his car. we exchanged waves. after running for over an hour in the park, i passed by his house again on the way home, and he laughed and called me psycho for running so much.

lives will change. this really happens to people.

i dont know how my aunt is holding up. i dont know how she would break it to her children. i dont know how different i would be if my father died before i was ten. before i was four. no one should ever have to go through this. my mom pulled through, we can't he? he's been fighting so hard...why can't the doctors do something?!